


Memorized

by Tory (Ejes)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Brotp, Death, Friendship, KHII set, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 01:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13043250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ejes/pseuds/Tory
Summary: Axel wished he could forget, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not. He did not even had to close his eyes to see his best friend dying, again and again. However, there was someone, somewhere, who might be able to help him forget all these painful memories...





	Memorized

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is rated T for swearing. So people are swearing in there. Now you can't pretend you didn't know. (Or you can, y'know. That's up to you. I don't really mind.)

"For the last time, Axel, where is Roxas?"

Saïx was showing no emotion at all, as usual. Axel, on the other hand, was doing his best to contain all that he felt – but hiding it all wasn't easy and he was doing a poor job at it.

"For the last time, Saïx, Roxas is dead."

Those words burnt. They burnt so much more than the day Xigbar put some the hottest chilli ever on his food. So much more than the day Saïx reminded him that Lea and Isa used to be friends, but that there was no place for such a relationship between Axel and Saïx. So much more than the flames he used to fight.

"How convenient."

Axel couldn't stop the feelings any more. Sadness. Anger. Pain. Pain. Pain.

One gloved hand grabbed Saïx's collar. The other, balled into a fist, was threatening the Organization's Right Arm.

"He died in my arms, Saïx. He fucking died in my arms. So say one more time that this is convenient, imply one more time I am covering him up so he can run away, and you will meet the same fate Vexen did. I'm used to do icky jobs. Got it memorized?"

Saïx did not lose his composure. He never did. But it was obvious he realized Axel was saying the truth.

"You shouldn't let yourself be affected by that, Axel. We are nobodies. We are not supposed to have those pitiful feelings. Just forget it."

Forget. Axel wished he could. He wished he could erase all this pain crushing his whole body, wished he could stop seeing Roxas vanishing in him arms, wished he could stop hearing the boy's last words in his head ( _Thanks for everything, Axel.),_ wished that day never happened.

But he couldn't. The memories of his best friend wounded by too many heartless for him to fight back would never leave his mind. He had it all memorized.

He finally let go of his former friend – Saïx's feet were not even touching the floor anymore.

"I need to cool my head down. See you later."

* * *

 

Going to Twilight Town was an habit, but he regretted it as soon as he stepped into the town. Everything here was painful. There, he used to buy ice-creams for Roxas and himself. And there, they had raced to see who was the fastest (he was). And there…

At this precise point of the town, four hours before, Roxas had died.

The worst part of it was there was no trace of the fight that happened. No sign that anything special ever happened on those specific pavements. Because they were nobodies, and as such, their lives were as worth as their death. Worth nothing.

And now the pavements were slowly getting wet. Drip by drip, as the tears fell from his eyes to the ochre floor. And now the peaceful streets were slowly being filled with sound. Decibel by decibel, as his whisper slowly turned into a desperate scream.

Saïx was right. They were Nobodies. Feelings weren't something they were supposed to have. Perhaps he was dysfunctional. Perhaps he was broken, and that was where the pain was coming from. Even as a Nobody, he was a failure. A failure that kept losing whoever mattered to him.

First Isa.

Then Roxas.

He stayed there for a while, long after his eyes were dry and his whole body was dull. When he got back on his feet, the sun was setting.

_Do you know why the sun sets red? Well, it's not like anyone cares anyway._

Out of habit again (those damn habits, would they leave him? Would they stop being so PAINFUL?!), he started reading the notice board next to the tramway. Roxas and him would read it sometimes, trying to find the weirdest posts they could find.

_Lost cat, odd jobs, music lessons…_  Nothing really interesting. Axel was about to leave when he noticed the tiny note on the top left corner of the board. It was folded in half, but that looked like a memo, a shopping list of some kind. Not any kind of list, though : Axel could recognize his own handwriting. It was a list he wrote a few months ago, when he had decided to buy lots of sweets to let Roxas try them out, and the paper had since then remained in his coat pocket.

Curious as to why his useless shopping list ended up on a notice board, he took it and unfolded it.

At the back of the paper, something was written, once again in his handwriting, although he had no recollection of writing that.

_For any complaints, please go to Naminé._

He did not understand what it meant, he could not remember leaving this note or writing it, but he sure had a lot of complaints to make. Why Naminé? Could it be she could erase his memories – and make him functional again? Could she make the pain go away?

That was worth a try.

* * *

 

"Hello, Axel."

Her quiet, soothing voice somehow calmed him a bit. She was sitting at her usual table, drawing even more pictures, but when she lifted her gaze to him, he could see she looked sad.

"Naminé. I need your help."

"I think so as well."

"You know about Roxas, right?"

For a short moment, she looked away.

"You know about Roxas."

"Axel, I'm… I'm really sorry."

"Don't be. You have nothing to do with that."

She looked away again. Axel noticed she had stopped drawing. Then he noticed he had stopped breathing.

"Naminé? You have nothing to do with Roxas's death,  _do you_?"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. But I want you to know… That was not my decision. It was only for the best."

The pain was back. The anger was back. And a new feeling made its entrance as well: fear.

"What do you mean? What have you done? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Naminé gasped, frightened as he grabbed her by the shoulders, in what was probably a too tight grasp.

"It wasn't my idea… I swear, it wasn't my idea..."

"THEN WHOSE IDEA WAS THAT? WHO DECIDED HE SHOULD DIE?!"

"You did. And I did too, I guess."

The world froze as those words came from behind him. Axel slowly let go of Naminé – some bruises started showing up on her shoulders, and Axel felt sorry for it – and turned around.

It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. He was certain of what he had seen He remembered every second of it. He remembered Roxas was dead and he had vanished and now he was here and that made no sense and he was dead and he should not be here because he was dead.

But he was not. He was here. Alive. Not dead.

Not dead.

"Hey Axel… Uh… I guess you might not understand what's going on?"

Not understanding was an understatement. Axel's left fist landed in Roxas's face – and then Roxas's body landed into the wall.

"Consider yourself lucky, Roxas. I'm keeping the right one for Saïx."

Naminé ran to Roxas and helped him up. The boy did not look angry, but apologetic.

"Now, both of you, explain. Now."

Naminé looked at Roxas. He took a deep breath.

"Tell me, Axel: what do you remember exactly?"

Axel did not want to remember. He wanted to forget. That was the reason he was there on the first place. But he obediently told what happened in the last hours.

"You wanted to get away from the Organization. You ran away. You betrayed them. And then, Saïx sent me to get you back. However, when I found you..." words were stuck in his throat "you had been overwhelmed by heartless and you died in my arms. I saw you die, Roxas. You were there and then you were not. You  _died_."

_And I guess I somehow did too._

"Then I came back to the Castle, reported at Saïx who at first wouldn't believe me, I did my best not to kill him, came back here because I'm the stupidest creature ever, saw a note I don't remember writing about finding Naminé, and I came here so that she could erase my memory. If having feelings means being in so much pain, I refuse them."

Roxas gave him a soft smile.

"So you really don't remember… In the end, did Saïx believe you?"

"Yeah, he did. Because I told him the truth. I told him you were dead. So why arent' you?!"

"It's not even that much of a long story. Part of what you said actually happened. I ran away. You were sent to bring me back. But when you found me in Twilight Town… I couldn't go back, Axel. I could not. The only option left was for us to fight to the death… And none of us could take each other's life. That's when you came up with this idea. According to you, if you  _really_  believed I was dead, you could convince Saïx to stop looking for me. You wanted Naminé to alter your memory, to implant fake memories of my death. You knew you'd eventually come back here after reporting to Saïx – and you left yourself a note, on a paper no one but you would ever pay attention to. You were not sure you'd come back here, but you were willing to take the risk of never remembering the truth. As long as I was safe, you said nothing else mattered."

As Roxas spoke, the memories of the events came rushing into Axel's mind. He glanced at Naminé, who looked really focused. She was putting the chain of his memories back to its initial state.

Indeed, he had been ready to sacrifice everything for his friend. And even though he now knew the pain it had created in him, he would do it again and again.

After a while of putting his thoughts back together, Axel finally managed to ask the question that was troubling him.

"Say, Roxas? Before Naminé implanted all these fake memories… Did you… Did you tell me something?"

Roxas looked surprised.

"Yeah. I thanked you for everything. You're the best friend one could ever wish for, after all. Why?"

Unable to say anything else, Axel reached to his friend and held him in a warm embrace, tears running freely on his cheeks.

"I guess that there are things I still got memorized, buddy."

**Author's Note:**

> And THAT'S why in DDD Lea called Roxas before even calling Isa! Cuz Roxas is a cinnamon roll!
> 
> And guess what? If you made this far without closing the tab you're a cinnamon roll too and I love you! And I'd love you even more if you left a review, so...
> 
> LEAVE A REVIEW!
> 
> I'm not really into AkuRoku as a ship (I don't mind the ship and boy there are some incredibly pretty fanarts out there about them), but they are my KH Brotp. Forever.


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